5 Tips for Creating your “New Normal”

So many of us are struggling to find a sense of normal during these difficult times. The majority of people in the world are either working from home or struggling to navigate their personal safety at their jobs. We are all struggling to balance navigating a normal routine with managing our emotions. On a personal level, I’ve struggled immensely to process everything going on in the world with COVID-19 over the past few weeks. This entire situation has been very emotionally draining. Over the last weekend into this week I have taken time to process my emotions and to work toward developing a new routine. Here are some of the things that have helped me:

Do something active every day. Like many people, I have struggled deeply to find any motivation for weeks. I have made it a goal to do something active every day, even if it’s just a 10 minute walk around the block. I also have been doing yoga with “Yoga with Adriene” on YouTube in the mornings and the evenings. She has a range of classes for all competency levels. You can find her free classes here: https://www.youtube.com/user/yogawithadriene. In addition, be forgiving of yourself. I know that many don’t have access to healthy food or may be stress eating as well. Do something active for the sake of feeling better mentally above all else.

 

This weekend Dave & I took a walk by a local lake (while social distancing of course).

Set one goal every day. I have found it really difficult to think forward and to set future work-related or personal goals for myself during this time. Set one work-related, personal, or professional development goal every day. This can range from anything, such as finishing a nagging project, cleaning out your closet, or watching a relevant webinar. It is not possible to be your most productive self during this time. If you can manage to get one thing done every day, it will create a small sense of accomplishment. Your future self will thank you.

Express gratitude every day. One thing that I practice in my daily life is to write down 3 things I am grateful for every day. This ranges anywhere from my family in general to a cup of coffee, depending on my mood. I have also carried this tradition into my RA staff meetings and have started asking them randomly for one thing they’re grateful for in the group chat. It is important to remember the good we have, especially when our world is struggling. It is also important to share this mindset with others whenever possible.

 

Create a master “to-do” list for the next few weeks. One thing that has always kept me semi-productive at work has been to create a master “to-do” list for the next few weeks with some concrete deadlines. It is even more difficult to get things done when things are closed and deadlines are now placed on the back burner. If you set personal deadlines, you will still manage to feel productive in some way.

Know that some days will be more difficult than others and that’s okay. The greatest thing to keep in mind is that some days you will struggle with my mental health more than others. Some days you won’t be as productive and may just have the capacity to get out of bed. Be forgiving of yourself when you have these days. Understand that it’s okay to struggle during this time. Yes, some people put their energy into project work to distract themselves. Others will need to grieve all the things we have lost or are struggling with. The wide range of emotional responses to COVID-19 are ALL okay.

My mental health has finally been in a better place. Remember to practice self-care during all of this.

At the end of the day, I keep telling myself that this will all pass. This will be our new normal for the next few weeks or months, but inevitably, this cannot last forever. The most important part of the situation is that we take care of each other and ourselves by social distancing, quarantining if necessary, staying home when we can, and “filling our cups” and our hearts with things that help us to get through the day. Create space to add positivity to your day. Spend time on a new hobby you’ve always wanted to try. FaceTime friends and family that you don’t see often. Use this time to connect with the world and remember that there is always room in your “new normal” for things that bring you joy.

My 20 for 2020 Goals #20For2020

If you read my blog last year, you’ll know that I did a 19 for 2019 list like my favorite podcaster, Gretchen Rubin. Instead of setting a complicated and unrealistic set of goals, you set an attainable list for yourself. 2019 has been a year of abundance and joy in my life. I earned my Master’s degree and found a job at an institution I absolutely love. I grew as a person and fell more in love with my fiancé and myself. I have continued to grow, and that is my plan for 2020. Here’s to a year of abundance full of love, new adventures, and being my best self.

My 20 for 2020 List

Dry January. This year I’m committing to a month of going alcohol free, or as many are calling it, “dry January.” I want to take time to cleanse my body and to see how well I feel when I cut alcohol from my system. I don’t drink a lot in general, but I think that this journey will be a good one for my mental and physical health. When I’m stressed, I tend to want a glass of wine or a margarita. Now that I don’t have the option of using alcohol to cope, I will take a healthy approach to recovering from a stressful week like reading a book or heading to the gym. 

Go to Starbucks Less. While this is painful for me to admit, I recognize that I spend way too much money at Starbucks. In order to be kinder to my wallet (and my wedding budget) I am committing to going to Starbucks less. I am fully capable of making coffee at home. My goal is to only grab Starbucks as a treat every 2 weeks. I think this is a fair way of treating myself with my favorite coffee while also cutting back significantly.

Eat Takeout Less. While Starbucks is definitely my greatest downfall, I also have a tendency to grab takeout to go when I’m too tired to cook or don’t want to eat in the cafeteria. Eating out is both expensive and unhealthy. I am committing to resisting the urge to grab takeout and to only dine out once in a while socially with friends or my partner. 

Walk Every Day (20 minutes or 1 mile). Like Gretchen Rubin, one of my goals is to walk more. I find that walking is not only a great form of exercise, but is an opportunity to clear my head and to create space for reflection. I am committing to walking for 20 minutes or 1 mile per day (these are roughly the same with my stride/speed). This is a time commitment that doesn’t take a lot of time from my day and is manageable on a regular basis.

Pray Every Day. One of my greatest challenges in 2019 was a deep struggle with my faith and prayer life. While I am a devoted Christian, I have struggled deeply with my Catholic faith because of the recent allegations in the church. I am committing to praying every day in my own way and creating space for God. I am also staying open to praying in different churches/denominations in the new year. While I will always remain Catholic, I want to be open to new prayer and worship opportunities.

Drink Water Every Day. I have been doing well with this goal, but I want to keep up with drinking a sufficient amount of water every day. I have an app that tracks my water intake and requires me to drink 1.8 Liters per day and have a water bottle that fills to 750 ML. Before drinking water regularly, I was dizzier and had less energy throughout the day. Now I know what my body needs and have seen the benefits of this. 

Be Kinder and Gossip Less. Plain and simple, being mean is toxic. It drags not only myself down but others around me. I am being kinder in this new year so that I can be a more positive presence to those around me. Being kinder is makes your heart more full. We should all aspire to this.

Be More Forgiving of Yourself and Others.  I need to be more understanding when things go wrong with not only others, but myself. We all make mistakes. What is important is that we can pick back up and grow from those mistakes. Being forgiving takes a lot of stress out of these mistakes and allows us to move forward.

Rest More.  If you know me, you know that I literally cannot sit still. On my days off I feel the need to keep going by doing chores and running errands. I frequently find myself burnt out and exhausted. I am creating space and giving myself permission to rest more. When I don’t need to wake up early on a Saturday I won’t set an alarm just to get things done. Im going to step back and relax when I can.

Stick to my WW Eating Plan. I have been super successful with the WW program at the beginning of the year. Over the past few months, I’ve gotten lazy with my eating plan and gained a bit of weight. I let my health fall to the wayside after starting a new job and adjusting to living with my fiancé (because I never used to have chips or other junk food in the house). I have to commit to my healthy eating plan because of how it makes me feel; my mental and physical health are greatly impacted by living a healthier lifestyle. I also refuse to refer to WW as a diet. This is a lifestyle change for my body and mental health. And while, yes, I would like to lose weight, I am no longer making it a priority. I need to focus on the bigger picture.

Go to the Gym at Least 3 Times Per Week. I am committing to working out at the gym 3 times per week because I love my body, not because I hate it. I am trying to reframe my mindset so that I look forward to the gym and how I feel afterward. I think that 3 days a week is a reasonable commitment to make for myself. I am also trying new workout strategies/machines at the gym so that I won’t become stagnant.

Put Down Your Phone More. I want to put my phone down more and live in the moment. I feel like we are all entirely too dependent on our phones today. I would like to put my phone on sleep mode by 8:30 every night so that I can make time to read and decompress before falling asleep. I also think it’s important to put my phone on silent when I’m with my family or partner, especially when we are sharing a meal or are celebrating a holiday.

Go for a Hike. When I was younger, I would go hiking a lot with my mum and sister. I feel accomplished after a hike. It feels great to be in nature and to disconnect with the rest of the world for a little. I also have the privilege of living in beautiful, wild and wonderful West Virginia now, so I have plenty of options close by.

Travel to a New Place. I absolutely love travel, so one of my goals every year is to go somewhere new. Luckily, I plan on going to Montego Bay, Jamaica for my honeymoon in October. I want to travel to more local places too when I can, especially this summer.

Be Kinder to My Partner (and don’t pick fights when you’re crabby). This is one that many of us need to work on. It’s easy to be irritable and cranky with our significant others when we’re in a bad mood. I plan on being kinder to my fiancé and finding healthier outlets for days when I’m feeling cranky.

Create Space at Work for More of What I Love. I am in this profession because I love working with my students. While I need to complete a lot of mundane administrative tasks and other requirements that I may not particularly enjoy, I need to create space for the parts of my job that I love. One of my favorite things to do are create events for my students during the work day so that they can stop by my office and engage in conversation. I also want to make an effort to attend RA programs like I have in the past. My students are the reason that I love what I do. Instead of becoming burnt out on routine tasks, I need to create opportunities that remind me why I love my job.

GET MARRIED and Be the Best Wife I Can Be. I can’t believe that I can put this on my list! I am SO excited to marry my best friend in October of this year. On top of the excitement of getting married, I am committing to being the best wife/partner that I can be. I want to make sure that I am creating opportunities for new adventures and continuing to make our life together an exciting one.

Read 2 Books Per Month. While I love to read, I find that I haven’t made enough time to read when I have free time. My original goal was 3 books per month, yet I still managed to fail. I think that reading 2 books per month is an attainable goal that I can commit to.

Do More that Makes Your Heart Feel Full.The greatest goal that I have this year is to do more that makes my heart feel full.While I want to be more frugal financially this year, I want to create the space to take more leaps of faith. Whether that’s going to a yoga class once in a while, having a date night with my fiancé, or taking a road trip, I need to continue to do more of the things that make my life worth living. Here’s to new adventures and experiences! 

A Decade of Challenges, Triumphs, & So Much to be Thankful For

As I sit here today, I cannot believe that a decade has come and gone. The past 10 years have been a whirlwind. I have grown up so much since the beginning of the decade. So many things over the past 10 years have shaped me into the woman I am today. In 2009 I graduated high school and started at Saint Vincent College. I ended a toxic relationship and began to thrive. I experienced great loss in 2011 when my friend tragically passed away. I grew up fast and came to terms with my mental illness. I graduated with my Bachelor’s degree in 2013, found my first professional job at Saint Mary’s College in 2014, and began to grow into a strong, confident female leader. During that time, I came to terms with past trauma and found healing in that space. I fell in love in 2016 with the man I plan on spending the rest of my life with. I started my Master’s degree at IUP in 2017 and graduated in May of 2019. And now I’m here. I am stronger, more confident, and so full of life. I learned how to love myself over the past 10 years, which was something that did not come easily. Although my past defines me in so many ways, it doesn’t weigh me down or dictate my future. It has simply shaped me into who I am and I am grateful to be this woman today.

 

2019 was a year of abundant blessings and I am so truly grateful. I have accomplished so much this year…

I graduated with my Master’s degree from Indiana University of Pennsylvania in May.

I found a job at West Virginia University and am so proud to call this home.

I moved in with my fiancé and created a home together.

I had a case study published in a printed student affairs book. 

I bought my dream car. 

I continued to fall in love with my life & myself. 

I have been incredibly successful and have finally began to see my hard work pay off. As a first generation college student, I never thought I would have 2 degrees. I never thought that I would fall in love and find a healthy relationship. Yet here we are.

Despite these triumphs, I still struggled at times. I absolutely love my new job, but the transition to new challenges has been a difficult one for my mental health. I’ve allowed my self-care to fall by the wayside at times over the past few months and my depression has completely drained me. Transitions are hard for me, even if they are good ones. I know that I still have the power to change this and I plan on focusing on my mind, body, and spirit again in 2020. I have also struggled so much with my faith. As a member of the Catholic Church, I have experienced great pain from the allegations surrounding the Catholic priests. I have lost so much trust and because of that, my faith has fallen on the back burner. I plan on reconnecting to my spirituality again in 2020 and finding peace with God. 

And yet, with the struggles that I experienced, my soul is still very full. If you told me 10 years ago that I would be going into the next decade with 2 degrees, a wonderful job, and that I would be marrying the kindest, most loving man I would think you were crazy. Yet here I am. I am so ready to run into the new year with goals and aspirations that will continue to make me extraordinary. I encourage you to do the same. We all have the power to dictate our futures and to go into the new year with an open mind. I hope that you find strength, growth, joy, and love in this next decade. 

Here are pictures of some of the amazing humans who have made my last decade an incredible one. I love you all! 

#SAGrad Wrap Up: Lessons Learned & Life Moving Forward

“She believed she could, so she did.”~Anonymous

I am still processing the fact that I am finished with my graduate school journey. My classes are done and I have the degree. I am officially Angela M. Delfine, M.A.. What an incredible adventure the last 2 years have been, from crying over assignments to being so exhausted that I went to bed at 7:30PM to somehow managing to wedding plan in the midst of it all. This journey has made me stronger. I am more confident in my abilities. I feel capable and worthy of this degree. And for the first time, I feel motivated to continue this journey to pursue my doctoral work in the near future.

Going forward, I realize that I’ve learned a thing or two from my time as an SA Grad. Here are a few of my key lessons learned:

Celebrate the small wins. Life is too short to stress out about doing everything perfectly.  If you got a solid ‘B’ on that really difficult paper celebrate it. If you went to bed early for once celebrate it. Sometimes it’s the small things that add up to success.

Take time to get to know your cohort/colleagues in some capacity. One of my personal goals was to have some sort of positive relationship with everyone in my cohort. I knew that it wasn’t possible to be best friends with everyone, but I knew that I didn’t have the time or energy to have a bad relationship with anyone in the program. It is essential not to burn bridges with colleagues. Yes, there were moments of frustration with some individuals but at the end of the day, I genuinely feel that I have a solid professional network out there from those that I’ve met in my program.

Make time for fun. Yes, academic work is the reason why I was in the program, but building relationships, making time for friends and family, and having fun is essential to living a fulfilling life. Make time for fun. You don’t have to do homework every single day to do well in graduate school, I promise.

Don’t beat yourself up. It’s so easy to be hard on yourself for not living up to academic expectations or not scoring a job interview. Know that you’re awesome and everyone has rough days. Don’t beat yourself up over the losses. Pick yourself up and try again tomorrow.

Make time to reflect on your mistakes. Know that everyone makes personal and professional mistakes. That’s how we grow. Make time to reflect on mistakes, both big and small either on your own, with a colleague that you can trust, or a mentor. Reflection is the key to growth, especially in this field.

Take advantage of experiences without saying yes to everything. This is a tough one. It’s so important to step up and take advantage of experiences during your SA Grad career while also knowing when you need to step back and say no. A balance between the two is necessary. Also, take advantage of things that you know that you’ll enjoy. It makes things a bit easier.

Chaperoning is a super easy & fun way to get some professional experience in the field! This is me with some of the UPJ College Democrats during a trip to Philadelphia.

Make time for self-care. Yes, my usual go-to. The greatest thing to remember is that self-care isn’t always bubble baths and spa days (although those are both great). Self-care is drinking water every day or going to bed at a decent time. It’s having a healthy meal instead of grabbing take-out again. Self-care is self-preservation, especially in grad school. It’s so easy to lose yourself at this time, so make sure that you always recenter yourself and focus on your wellbeing.

The girl writing this today is not the same one who started her student affairs journey at Saint Mary’s College 5 years ago. That girl had no confidence in her voice or in her professional abilities. She had no clue who she was or what her place was in this world. After a life-changing three years in Notre Dame, IN and 2 years in the IUP SAHE program, it’s safe to say that I am prepared for this world. I understand my calling to this profession and I’m motivated to do good things for the field of student affairs. I am an educator, a friend, a colleague, a resource, and a scholar. I am a strong female leader. I am confident. And for the first time, I feel prepared for the success that I deserve.

My Positive #SAJob Search

I’m sure that many of you 2019 Student Affairs grads can agree that the tedious, exhausting job search process is not necessarily one that we are looking forward to. Yes, we’re excited to graduate and move into the “adult” world, but I know that I personally would rather have the option of just automatically having a job handed to me instead of doing all-day interviews. The student affairs job interview process is extremely mentally taxing and exhausting, especially to all my fellow introverts, which is why I decided to step back and reflect on how I plan on surviving the search over the next few months. As some of you know, I worked professionally for 4 years before returning to grad school. I’m no expert (and I’m just as anxious as everyone else about getting a job), but I did learn a thing or two the first time I searched for a student affairs job. Hopefully these “words of wisdom,” hacks, or whatever you want to call them will help to bring some peace and organization to your job search process as well.

Everyone’s job search process won’t be the same. Try not to compare yourself to others.

The first thing to keep in mind is that we are going through this process together, but none of our processes will be the same. This is why I hate the phrase “trust the process.” By saying the process, there is an implication that all of our job search processes are the same. Based on our functional areas of interest, skill sets, locations of interest, etc. our job processes will all be very different. I know that I’m personally conducting a location-bound search, so I won’t necessarily have as many options as my peers who are comfortable moving all over the country. We will all end up where we are meant to be at the end of our individual processes.

Try not to compare your skillset to your peers as well.

This is especially important to keep in mind if you are applying to the same jobs as your peers. Know that we all carry different skillsets and have different personality types that may be a better fit with certain institutions over others. Try not to be discouraged when you don’t receive an interview with an institution, but a friend in your cohort does. You just may have a skillset that aligns better with another role or institution.

Support your cohort members and build each other up.

Yes, this is a competitive job search process, but we need to accept and to celebrate the achievements of our peers and cohort members. There is no reason to disregard the relationships we gained over the past few years in order to be combative during this competitive process. This process is also very mentally draining (and disappointing at times), so we need to move forward into the next few months with kindness, support, and encouragement.

Take Care of Yourself.

Again, this is a mentally draining process for many, if not all of us. It’s ok to take breaks from sifting through job search sites and postings (even though I’m currently struggling to stop doing this). Make time for you. Schedule specific times to job search and complete applications instead of allowing it to dictate your entire life.

 

Celebrate your small wins.

Remember to keep your confidence during this process and to celebrate the small wins. Even something as simple as getting your first phone interview is exciting! You have a lot to bring to the table, so try not to bring yourself down when you don’t find a job right away. The first time I completed my process, I only had my bachelor’s degree. I had maybe 20 phone interviews and 8 on-campus interviews before I scored my first job. It’s easy to become discouraged (and completely okay at times). The important thing is to bounce back and express gratitude for the good things happening during this process.

Stay Organized.

Keep a spreadsheet of every institution that you apply to and every institution that you are highly interested in. It would be extremely disappointing to complete an application and then to finally realize that you already submitted one to that institution. Something else to keep in mind is that some institutions do not post to hiring platforms like higheredjobs because of the costs, so it’s a good idea to check HR websites of institutions of interest as well.

Remember that institutional fit is just as important to you as it is to the hiring committee.

Always keep in mind that you are also interviewing the institution when you have an on-campus interview. You want to make sure that the institutional fit is a good one for you as well. Don’t settle if an institution gives off “bad” vibes or something doesn’t feel right. It’s also important to make sure that the mission of the institution aligns with your values for the most part or if there are some policies that you do not agree with, that you can still work with them and maintain your personal values. Also, ask about the basic requirements of the job. Not every “Resident Director” position, for example, is the same. You want to make sure that you are aware of all of your requirements before going into the position.

Be as genuine as possible during interviews.

It is just as important to be as “real” as possible during interviews as it is to be on our professional “A game.” You can still let your personality shine through while maintaining professionalism. During my first job search I would make a joke about not judging my professionalism based on my dining habits when I would share a meal with interviewers. For the most part, the individuals would laugh. When I interviewed with the institution that ended up hiring me, a colleague (who later became a good friend) accidentally spilled water on her shirt during the meal. We all laughed, and I knew at that moment that the institution was a good fit for me. When you’re genuine with colleagues during an interview, it shows.

Me right before attending my first job placement conference at MAPC!

The reality is that many professionals in our field don’t find their dream job right away. The important thing is to keep searching. Hold your head up. Try to continue to build your skillset wherever you end up so that you can continue to that next professional step in the near future. Every day we can do something to better ourselves both professionally and personally. To my fellow class of 2019 grads and others who are job searching right now: I’m rooting for you. I hope that you all get your “dream jobs” (or something close enough) where you’ll continue to grow and bring a lot of amazing skills to the table. We’re going to get through this. Keep your head held high every step of the way and to remember that you’re not alone in this.

My 19 for 2019 Goals #19For2019

If you follow Gretchen Rubin’s podcast and blog, you know that she does a “19 for 2019” list instead of your typical new years resolution list. Every year you set a realistic number of goals for yourself, instead of making an unrealistic list and spreading yourself too thin. This year I decided to do a “19 for 2019” list that focuses on developing my mental, physical, spiritual, relationship, and social health. I realized that I let myself go at times in 2018. My anxiety got the best of me a number of times and unfortunately (like many grad students) I let my social life with my close friends fall by the wayside. Despite this, 2018 was an incredible year full of new and exciting adventures. Here’s to a fabulous 2019 full of love, laughter, and peace with my world and with myself. 

My 19 for 2019 Goals

1. Do not apologize for your mental health or for stepping away to take care of your mental health.

2. Read 2 “fun” (i.e. not school related) books per month.

3. Dress nicer when you leave the house (i.e. try to avoid sweatpants and old tee shirts unless you’re going to the gym).

4. Do not let your family contribute to your anxiety and depression. This includes finding healing and peace with family relationships.

5. Do not give up what makes you happy/what you want just to make others happy. Say “no” right away if your heart tells you that you’re not in the mood to do something. That’s okay.

6. Do not make excuses for avoiding things you want to do OR for stepping away from things when you’re burnt out. 

7. Be more unapologetic in general for doing things that benefit you. It’s okay to focus on yourself for once. You don’t have to do it all for everyone.

8. Save more money, budget efficiently, and spend less money. Determine a plan for this.

9. Graduate with your master’s degree in May and get a job (woo!).

10. Achieve your goal weight and continue with WW for the sake of your health and wellness (even after you lose the weight).

11. Walk every day. Even if it’s only 5 minutes. This is good for your body and your brain!

12. Go through your belongings and donate what you don’t need. Focus on the fact that you’re moving in with your fiancé in May!

13. Create time and space for your friends monthly. Even if that’s just catching up on the phone or having a meal with everyone together.

14. Make time for my sister every week. Whether it’s spending time together or calling on the phone and talking for an hour.

15. Do one date night “out” per month. Nothing fancy is necessary every time, you just have do to more than just staying in and going to bed early.

16. Go to mass regularly and pray every day. Do not abandon God because of your frustrations with this world.

17. Stop drinking pop (again). It is SO bad for you.

18. Do yoga more regularly. For your body, your mind, and your soul. You need this.

19. Do one new fun thing every month. Whether it’s trying a new coffee shop, going to a new workout class, or doing something fun with your fiancé. Life is not fun unless you pursue new adventures!

Finding Time to Balance it All

As I’m sure you’ve noticed, I haven’t written much in a really, really long time. That is because I’ve been struggling to swim in the midst of the chaos that is my life this semester. On top of 2 classes, an assistantship as an Area Coordinator, and a practicum experience, I am also making an attempt to get my health in check (with a new diet plan), mentally preparing to begin the job search, working really hard to get my 7-9 hours of sleep, and somehow managing to make time for me. Oh, and did I mention that I got engaged?? (Which is SOOOO exciting, but also…wedding planning! Fun stuff, but again, more on my plate). Despite the chaos I’m somehow managing to breathe. Over the past 3 weeks I’ve committed to finding time to live a full, positive, successful life in the midst of the busyness. I’ve also tried (and sometimes failed) to look past the “culture of busy” in order to make meaning of all the things I have going on. So yes, I’ve had so many days this semester where I fell apart, but by changing my mindset, I feel more full overall. This is how I’m working to balance my chaos:

Do NOT compromise your health & well-being for ANYTHING. 

The first thing that I have not done in a while is compromise my health and well-being. The Angela from last year would have worked to solve her stress with a very unhealthy (yet oh, so satisfying) meal out. Stress eating is my weakness when it comes to having a lot going on. Over the past few months I started Weight Watchers in order to hold myself accountable and to live a healthier lifestyle. I can honestly say that I’m building healthier habits and feeling a million times better in the process. Instead of binge eating or taking a nap at 7pm, I take a brisk walk instead. I also make time to cook a healthy meal almost every evening. I make time to do things that are good for my body instead of reverting back to the bad habits of my college days. I’ve also significantly cut down on drinking alcohol, which has definitely helped me with feeling more alive and healthy. No matter what, do an evaluation of your health and wellness “bad habits.” Think about what you need to break in order to be your best self. And no matter what, don’t make excuses. NOW is the time to make a positive change for yourself.

This is me a few weeks ago when I was struggling with some depression. I fought to force myself to attend Zumba & felt AMAZING. Don’t compromise your health & well-being!

Get things done EARLY.

This one is easier said than done. I always make strides to get my work done early when I can. In grad school, the homework readings pile up significantly quicker than in undergrad. Every week I make a huge list of all my homework tasks for the following week and I work to start them at least a few days in advance. Yes, there have been weeks where I’ve only been able to do the work the night before, but for the most part, I am preparing in advance which helps me to feel more knowledgable of the content and less anxious.

NEVER compromise time with your loved ones.

My fiancé helps me to hold my shit together. No matter what, I make sure that I make time for him as much as I can. It’s easy to push away those that we love when we are busy and struggling to make time for enjoyment. Every time I spend a weekend with him, I try to get my work done in advance so that I don’t have to focus on the stress that comes with thinking about my to-do list for the next week. He is also my person so spending time with him is also good for my mental health as well. No matter what, don’t forget about your person in grad school (or during life in general). They’ll make sure you stay sane throughout it all.

This is my person. He’s pretty cool. Don’t forget about your person, ok? 

Maximize your time.

My latest goal is to maximize my time to feel recharged and productive. I’ve been trying to be more attentive to my productive times while listening to my body when I need times of rest. I make sure that I can go to bed early when I don’t have events and that I wake up about 2 hours before work so that I can get things done in the morning. In addition, I tell myself that no matter how exhausted I feel, I will be a million times better with a good walk or workout. Figure out what your body needs and make time for it. You’ll feel more recharged and productive later. You’ll also feel better mentally!

Don’t stress over the little things & live in the moment.

The greatest thing I remind myself of is that it’s a waste of energy to stress over the little things. I do so much better when I take a breather to recharge and then work to complete whatever stressful/anxiety-inducing task is in front of me. I’m also working to live in the moment. Sometimes it’s more fulfilling to take a beautiful sunset walk than to get my homework done right that second. Or instead of getting annoyed that there are students laughing in my office I should put my work aside and join in their laughter. After all, that’s why I’m in this field in the first place. Make time to enjoy things. Don’t stress over the small stuff. Remember to live.

Overall, you CAN balance it all. The journey isn’t an easy one, but it’s worth it in the end. I’m sick of living a lifestyle where I’m completely exhausted all the time. Life is entirely too short to focus on those things that bring you anxiety. Sometimes you need to check yourself and your behavior in order to move forward in the right direction. Now go & focus on what you need to do to get your life in order. I believe in you!

A Year of Positive Living: My #SAGrad Journey

Originally posted by my friends at Involvio @ blog.involvio.com. 

The journey of a Student Affairs graduate student is not an easy one (as I’m sure many of you know). Many SA grads like myself have to balance an assistantship, classes, internships, volunteering, family, friends, self-care, and a million other things. Last year I quickly learned that a combination of many stressors can bring a person down.

This is why my goal for the second year of SA grad is to be more positive and to make more time for myself.

Although I am typically a very self-aware person, I often forget how challenging life becomes when I do not make enough introvert time for myself. My first lesson learned is that I need to create concrete, scheduled, non-negotiable introvert time for myself during the week. Another really crucial thing for me to realize is that I should not listen to people who tell me that I am not an introvert because I am “too outgoing” and that I am “not quiet at all.” Introversion and extroversion are the ways that we recharge when we are at our busiest. So yes, I am very outgoing and bubbly but I am still in need of my time to recharge and refocus in the ways that work best for me.

In addition to taking care of my needs as an introvert, I also learned that venting is a very unhealthy coping mechanism for me. If you know me, you would say that I am not typically a negative person. The unfortunate reality is that I allowed myself to fall into a very detrimental, dark mindset where I struggled to find positivity in the world. I struggled with managing my negative emotions and did not process through those emotions in an appropriate way. I am now getting into the habit of stepping back and reframing my mindset before I speak poorly of a situation or individual. Yes, the world is not perfect and bad things happen, but this is not a reason to continuously speak out of negativity. It is a challenge, but I know in my heart that this is the right thing to do. Although venting is a healthy coping mechanism for others, it certainly is not the best one for me.

Finally, I learned that I need to celebrate each moment and to appreciate this experience. Again, life is not perfect and graduate school is extremely stressful at times. I need to step back in order to be thankful for this journey. I also need to live in the moment because the experience goes by quickly.

In conclusion, I want to leave you with some things that help me with living a more positive #SAGrad life! I hope that you will make it your goal to do the same.
• Write in a gratitude journal daily. I write 3 things that I am grateful for in the morning and at night, and then write 3 goals for myself each day. Instead of writing job or school-related goals, I write simple things like “laugh a lot” or “make self-care time.” I find it easier to accomplish these simple, yet fulfilling goals.

• Take care of your mental health in the ways that work best for you. I feel a drastic difference in my mental health when I take the time to go to workout classes and eat healthy. I absolutely love yoga and Zumba because they are a fun way to get in a workout. Some other strategies that are helpful to me are attending regular counseling sessions, getting enough sleep at night, and taking my medication. The more we talk about our mental health needs, the less stigmatized it becomes. It is important to find out what works for you!

• Make time for the people that mean most to you. I am a very family-oriented person, so I spend the majority of my time with my fiancé, my family, or my fiancé’s family. This means that my friends sometimes fall by the wayside, which is not okay. My new goal is to make time for my friends, especially the long-distance ones, and to give them a call at least once a week. I also plan to schedule time for my friends in the area at least once a month. Grad school is tough and many of us abandon our friends for a period of time because of our insane schedules. By scheduling out my time, my hope is that I can continue to stay connected to the people who mean the most.

Living for the Little Things

As a type A, fairly organized human being, I absolutely LOVE setting goals and making lists. There is something deeply satisfying about checking things off a list and feeling extremely accomplished.

What I found, however, is that sometimes it’s challenging and exhausting when you don’t make it through that goals list because you set too many unrealistic expectations for your day. Sometimes life just happens. We have too many meetings or we are entirely too exhausted to work out in the evening when we come home from a long day. Sometimes we need a Saturday of rest and rejuvenation instead of running errands.

Recently, I’ve been setting 3 reasonable expectations/goals for myself every day. One of my favorites is to “laugh a lot.” Others include “stay positive,” “make time to breathe,” and “to make time for yourself.” Yes, these seem very surface level and unspecific, but mentally those are the personal goals I need. Although I have a million other lists of work projects, monthly to-dos, weekly chores, etc. I find that my 3 simple, “happiness” goals truly make me feel like an accomplished person. 

I challenge you to make time to set 3 simple goals for your happiness tomorrow. Make it a daily routine. Remember that life is entirely too short and that in order to make the most of it, we need to remember to make time to feel fulfilled, joyful, and at peace.

A Life Worth Living: Lessons Learned Through my Journey Toward Accepting & Loving Myself

It took me a very long time to recognize that I deserve the beautiful life that I have. Often times we find that our struggles define us and for some people, it’s nearly impossible to get past the bad times in our lives. I’ve been taking a lot of time to reflect on my journey. I’ve reflected on how far I’ve come as a person despite my past relationships, traumatic situations, and at times, having the cards stacked completely against me. No life is perfect. It may seem that some people have it all together but what we need to realize is that we all have a journey and all of our life journeys are sloppy at times. Here are just a few of the life lessons that I’ve learned from my beautiful, yet sloppy life.

I Deserve to Be Where I am Today (& so do You)

I worked a very long time to get where I am in my career. Although I’m only halfway through graduate school, I’ve had quite a journey so far in regard to employment and my career life path. Throughout my whole life, I thought I wanted to be a teacher. In the fall of 2013 I quickly realized that this wasn’t my life path (right when I was in the middle of my student teaching experience). I truly believe that I had a mental breakdown at that time. I knew that I wasn’t happy. I came back to my room and had panic attacks every single day. I knew in my heart that I wasn’t on the right path. And so I decided to quit student teaching to focus on my mental health. I worked at a Barnes & Noble for almost a year (which I loved, by the way) and focused on taking on side projects in student affairs (which is what I really love). I’ve had at least 10 random part-time jobs and work study positions over the years. I made it through undergraduate school despite the challenges of being a first-generation student. And now I’m here, working through grad school and doing work in Residence Life. I hope to continue to be successful after graduation. I deserve it.

No One Can Define You But Yourself

People are mean sometimes. Yes, I believe that people are mostly good but in reality, people tend to be mean when they are not happy in their own lives. I suffered through years of bullying as a child. I was called names because of my weight on a daily basis. Fast forward into high school and college. I was in an abusive relationship and other relationships with abusive tendencies. I learned to hate my body and everything about myself. I was never pretty enough or smart enough or thin enough or outgoing enough. It took me roughly 24 years to love myself and the life I’ve worked for. My time working at Saint Mary’s College was the turning point for my self-confidence when it came to my body image and my career. I took an intentional two year break from dating. I focused on “dating” myself and reflecting on the things that I love to do. I also reflected on and refined the skills that I am good at. I truly learned that I deserve to be where I am: happy and successful. I am the only one who can define my life. By learning to love my body and myself I took away that power from those who would try to hurt me with their words and actions.

Me & my last RA staff from Saint Mary’s College. I grew so much as a person from my experience there.

Laugh so You Don’t Cry

Life is stressful. There will always be stressful days and things that go wrong. I learned that I need to laugh things off instead of constantly crying over them and letting them destroy me. It is so easy to let negativity consume our thoughts. When something goes wrong at work, I try to step away and laugh at the absurdity of the situation. When I think about something particularly sad, such as the death of a loved one, I try to reframe and think about a joyful memory with that person. Laughter is truly the best medicine. When we try to find the good in our unfortunate circumstances, we have the power to reclaim happiness instead of letting negative emotions to destroy us. 

Happiness is Something that You Create

I know a staggering number of people who say that they would be happy if they had more money or a new car. I’ve learned that waiting for happiness to come to us is not how we should live our lives. Happiness is something that we personally define and create. Yes, having money or other things may ease some difficulty in our lives but that is not truly the answer to a happy life. We need to take steps to create our happiness. Go out for coffee on a Saturday. Make a phone call to the people you love. Do whatever you can to create happiness for yourself. Your life will be so much more fulfilling. 

In March of 2015 I decided to go on a trip to visit a friend in San Francisco. It was one of the most amazing trips I’ve ever taken.

Capture Life in Moments, not Things

At the end of the day, you’re going to find the most joy from the moments that captivate you than from the newest electronics. Yes, buying new things is nice (and often necessary), but when you have the option between going on an adventure and buying something for yourself, I suggest that you go for the adventure. Life is all about the little quirky moments that make you happy, not about the new expensive things that you want to buy. For example, this year for our anniversary, my boyfriend and I decided to take a trip to Washington D.C. instead of buying gifts. We had an amazing time, laughed a lot, and had the opportunity to spend a super fun weekend together. We have no regrets about this decision and plan on trying to do it every year if we can!

My boyfriend, Dave, & myself. We had an amazing time in Washington D.C. for our anniversary. Spend time with those you love. You won’t regret it!

It’s okay to have a Career that you Love without Allowing it to Take Over your Personal Life

In America, we have this tainted perception that in order to have a career that we are passionate about, we must give up a lot of other things, like a family, relationships, self-care, etc. It is important to know that you do NOT need to pick or choose which of these things you want. Life is all about balance. I am currently a full-time graduate student pursuing a career that I absolutely love and feel called to. I also spend every weekend I can with my significant other, his family, and my own family. I map out the workout classes that I want to attend every week. I also make sure that I go grocery shopping for healthy food so that I’m not eating like crap. If you plan out things accordingly, you can have it all. Yes, having a career while balancing a life is extremely stressful, but you need to know that it will all work out if you make the time to invest appropriately with all aspects of your life. Yes, I love my job, but my family and my significant other come first. I want to be successful in my career and to help others as well. It is okay to want both of these things.

Make Self-Care a Priority

I say this all the time, but one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is to make self-care a priority. Self-care doesn’t have to be extravagant trips to the spa or vacations to Hawaii (although those sound amazing). Self-care is simply the daily, weekly, monthly or yearly things that you do in order to maintain your balance, to refocus on your happiness, and to take care of your body and mind. My self-care practices involve getting at least 7.5 hours of sleep every night, taking coffee breaks when my anxiety is high (I know this doesn’t make sense, but grabbing a cup of coffee really helps me to recenter myself despite the caffeine), talking to my loving partner every day about the good things and the bad, grocery shopping instead of doing takeout, and going to yoga and Zumba classes as much as possible (which is about 2-4 times per week when I can). Self-care is saying no to things that you cannot add to your “plate.” It’s about advocating for yourself in the workplace and knowing that it is okay to speak up about your feelings. Taking care of myself is not selfish. You need to know that this is a part of life. If you don’t take care of yourself and practice self-love, you will not be able to love and take care of others. 

A good cup of coffee, time in the sunshine, & blogging are all good self-care practices!

My Mental Illness Does Not Define Me (& neither does Yours)

Mental Illness is often difficult to talk about because many people are still extremely judgmental about the validity of mental health needs. Although we are doing much better as a society at reducing the stigma, there are still many people out there who choose not to understand what we go through. I’ve learned that even though my Depression and Anxiety are a huge part of my life, they do not define me. I am not my mental illness. It has taken me years of hiding my mental illness and refusing to accept it for what it was. I went of medication when I thought that I was “better” (which I wasn’t). I still have days where I want to hide in my room because facing the world seems too difficult. I sometimes have panic attacks when I have a million things going on and my brain does not know how to cope. I’ve grown so much in self-awareness when it comes to my mental health. Your mental health journey will look very different from the journey of others. Just know that your needs are valid. Learn to embrace and understand your mental illness in order to practice the self-care that you need. Also know that what works for one person may not work for another.

It has taken me a very long time to finally believe that I am deserving of love & happiness. My mental health does not define me. It just makes me stronger.

Life is not easy. It wasn’t meant to be easy. Life is sloppy at times. We have absolutely amazing days where we wake up and feel like we can handle whatever comes our way. Other days we can barely make it out of bed. I deserve laughter and love, a career that I am passionate about, health and happiness, family, a partner that I couldn’t live without, and an extraordinary life worth living. You deserve this too. Get out there with your head held high. Pick up your feet. Yes, some days are really tough but I need you to know that when you get to a point of true joy in your life that the journey will be worth it.